i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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