you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When are your genitals available?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
