If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
