I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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