he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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