Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
