That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
