I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
