I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
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The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
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My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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