Im at strip club and am horny
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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