Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
