Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
