Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
