We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
