The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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