I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
