Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
