o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
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