it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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