you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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