Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
