he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
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I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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