Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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