check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
