Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
