she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
