i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
