you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
