remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
