Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
