u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
