there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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