just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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