those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
