If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
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maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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