Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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