But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
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Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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