i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
