I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
