Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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