we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
