just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
