Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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