Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
