did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
