I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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