this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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