just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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