R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
