dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
