I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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