It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
