Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
