Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.