trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space