you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword