LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Let's get the cat blown out
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.